There is a huge number of people making up what is referred to as the “Sandwich Generation” in today’s society. These caregivers are taking care of their own children while simultaneously caring for elderly parents. This can be a draining situation both emotionally and financially. It can also have a devastating impact on a marriage and home life.
Caregiver burnout occurs when caregivers give so much to those around them that they lack the time and energy for self-care. Common signs of caregiver burnout include depression, anxiety, fatigue, headaches and comprised immune systems. Caregiving can disrupt routines, breed resentment and wreak havoc on a marriage. Weaknesses in a marriage are often brought to the surface under these stressful circumstances. A couple may find themselves arguing more and feeling disconnected.
Here are some tips to protect your marriage while caregiving for your elderly loved ones:
1. Communicate. Timing is important when starting difficult conversations but couples should feel safe to unload their feelings. It may be best to wait for a time when neither is in a hurry or overly exhausted. In addition to sharing your feelings and concerns, it is also important to properly communicate about scheduling. This may be addressed through a shared calendar app or a weekly email, but make sure to the extent possible, you both know what the other has on the calendar so you can better address all the responsibilities and share the load as much as possible.
2. Practice Gratitude. Constant complaining and negativity can zap the energy out of a relationship. Try to focus instead on all the things you are grateful for in your life and about your partner.
3. Prioritize Each Other. While it may take some effort, try to plan time to spend together doing things you both enjoy. It may mean enlisting the help of other family members or a paid caregiver, but the results are worth the effort.
4. Build a Support Network. In our culture, we tend to think we have to do it all on our own. This is simply not the case. There are people who will help you. Organize a support system of family, friends and hired help to assist with errands, housekeeping and other tasks. Set up grocery delivery services and find transportation providers.
5. Focus on Your Health. Like the flight attendant reminds us during the safety instructions, put your mask on first. Eating healthy, getting some exercise and ample sleep makes you a better caregiver and spouse.
Make yourself and your spouse a priority even while caregiving for elderly relatives. It can be a challenging situation and we understand the hardships involved. For more information on elder law services such as long-term care planning and estate planning, contact the experienced elder law attorneys at Stouffer Legal in the Greater Baltimore area. You can schedule an appointment by calling us at (443) 470-3599 or emailing us at office@stoufferlegal.com.
